Approximately, 12 million women in the U.S experience clinical depression each year. And about 1/5 seek medical help. I am one of them, so today I thought I’d share my story.
As long as I can remember, I’ve never been 100 percent happy with my life or myself. With my first pregnancy, it was the first time I stayed at home without a job. And at the time I didn’t have a car, so you can imagine being stuck at home was a little depressing.
But the depression really kicked in after my second daughter was born. My husband had just started a job 400 miles away from home. So during the week he would stay in a hotel, and come home for the weekend. So I was left at home with my toddler and a newborn baby. I had family close by who did help me out a lot. But it wasn’t the same not having the father of my kids there.
This went on for six long months. I was at my lowest point. I remember being angry and crying all the time. I resented my husband for not being there, causing us to argue every time we talked.
We finally got into a house and we were a family once again. I was sure that moving into a new house and having my husband with me again would make everything better. The first few weeks of the transition were hard. I was used to having family right down the road, so being in a new city and state not knowing anyone was a huge change. I kept telling myself things would get better once I got used to this change.
But it didn’t. It just gradually got worse.
I felt so alone. Again I was angry and crying all the time. I was tired and felt like crap every single day. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to go out of the house, do things with my kids, take care of myself, or do any housewife duties. I had absolutely zero energy and motivation to get off the couch. It was effecting the way I treated my kids and my marriage.
My husband and I were in a never ending argument on what was wrong with me. He was angry because I couldn’t explain why I was feeling the way I was. And I was angry at him because he didn’t understand. Finally, he begged me to go see a doctor.
I took a test and turned out I have severe depression. I was prescribed medication that day.
The first few weeks resulted in no change. Apparently, it takes 4-6 weeks for the meds to kick in. By the fourth week, I felt like my life had completely turned around. I had energy and motivation. I actually WANTED to take care of myself by exercising and eating healthier. I started getting into hobbies again, and I joined a mom group.
It’s been almost two months since I started the medication. I still have my ups and downs and some days are better than others.
Like yesterday was one of the down days. I felt depressed with myself. I was questioning what I was even doing. Like is this how the rest of my life is gonna be? Wiping butts, cooking and cleaning? I want more for myself. I want to experience new things, help people, make a change. I’m not saying I hate being a mom by any means. They are the reason I get up every morning and right now they need me to survive.
But millions of other moms can juggle being a mom while getting fulfillment in other things too right? I don’t know how they do it honestly. I feel like since I don’t have a babysitter getting out and doing something for myself is completely out of the question.
Well that’s my story so far, I will be writing more about my battle with depression. If you are experiencing any of what I talked about, please know that you are NOT alone. I encourage you to seek help. It doesn’t have to be medication. You can also seek therapy, either from a therapist or just talking with a friend or family member.
If you would like to share your story, please feel free to do so. Your story could help someone in a similar situation!
Thank you for reading.